Like Clockwork

Italians love routine. They love it like they love their mother's spaghetti bolognaise, for its comfort and simplicity. The thought of mixing it up, breaking with tradition and experimenting with something new is madness in their eyes. What's the point of adding dark chocolate to a perfectly good bolognaise? Play with the ingredients and you'll have your Italian guests pushing their plate away. That's if they've even tried it. Most will shake their heads and reach for their coats. Heston, take note never to to attempt bacon and egg gelato in Italy.

To experience a slice of the real Italy, a degree of routine must be applied to daily life. Not only to avoid paying jumped-up price tags for foreigners who'll never be seen again, but for a place in the ever-whirring machine that is Italy. No man is an island and nowhere is this more poignant than in Italian culture. Whilst many acknowledge the importance of the aesthetic to the Italian mind-set, few realize the emphasis placed on routine.

In England the term, 'local' applies to the pub that one goes to most frequently (perhaps at the end of the week for a cheeky post-work pint before the missus gets home). In Italy, the term local doesn't hold the same connotations because it could be applied anywhere - the grocery store, the cafe below, the restaurant opposite, the list goes on. Everything is local because Italians don't venture far enough to make it anything else. Where do Italians most like to go on holiday? Italy. Where do they go year after year? The beach. Where at the beach? The place they went to last year (and the 10 years preceding that).

Whilst a foreigner might frequent their nearest cafe for a cappuccino at the weekend, their Italian neighbors will pop in before work, during their pausa and most often on their way home. Frequent, for an Italian, means daily or more so. If you ever find yourself waiting tables at a local Italian restaurant, rest assured that your clientele won't change regularly, if at all. Franco will always want a mezza portion of spaghetti pomodoro, with pepperoncino on the side. Every day but Saturday, he will have a soda (lemon, no ice). His lunchtime reading material will always be the Republican and he'll want to finish his meal with a macchiato (cup, tazza grande). Sadly if all the above is adhered to, like clockwork and without prompting, Franco still won't tip. He never does. And what happens on Saturday? He brings his family of course. They take the corner table (because they need room for the dog) and he has a glass of wine, instead of his usual soda.

The best thing to do, as a foreigner, is embrace this sense of routine and do as an Italian would - establish your own. Try spending your pennies at the same venues, and not only will you be purse be fuller as a result, but you'll be met with a smile, an acknowledgment and before long, you'll be handing over your first name with a warm handshake. The only warning that comes with this piece of advice is that your usual will be ready and waiting for you. Do as Italians do and you'll be treated like one (whether you like it or not).